Thursday, May 01, 2008

Lots of Balls in the Air

Some of you wanted to know about the yellow ball in the last post that looks like a cross between a dog treat and a bomb. I have an answer for you, and it's not the most titillating.

Though it can be used with tits.

It is none other than... a massager. That's it. You stick in a battery and it kind of shakes. I'm seriously considering giving it to my kids for a bath toy. Though the fact that it came from a sex store is a bit creepy, so maybe not.

Speaking of sex, a few weeks ago I went into an adult store for research. I figure if I'm going to write 3 posts/week on sex, I've gotta come up with some better material than how foreplay in a Southpark "I Killed Kenny" tee shirt is not as exciting as it's cracked up to be.

I brought a friend with me from church (ha, there's some irony in there) who had never been in a "toy store" - or so she says. To prove the point that once a mother, always a mother - despite big intentions to rev up the sex life, I give you the following example:

Friend: Wow, look at those vibrators. They are HUUUUGE. What's the big yellow one called?

Me: I believe the correct name is "Ouch."

Friend: All I know is that I had better start finding something new for my husband. We've been so bored and... LOOOOOOK! Batteries in the vibrator aisle! Those are perfect for my son's new light saber!


More of my writing can be found on Goodhousekeeping
& Babycenter. I write under the name Andrea Frazer. Drop me a note! I’d love it! Or don’t.

8 comments:

Monnik said...

"ouch" bwahahah. Too funny.

I love that your job takes you to a sex shop for research. If only we could all have that kind of job.

Gretchen said...

I have no words...except that I like the way your friend thinks. xxxoogretchen

Em said...

I've been away a long time and I finally come back to reading my blogs only to find "it can be used on tits". What a perfect post to begin reading with! :)

And you are writing 3 times a week about sex? You are writing about it more than I'm having....well...never mind.

Where do those writings show up?

Ramblin' Red said...

LOL....this is why I have my no eating/drinking rule in effect for reading your blog.

Awesome...the southpark shirt lovin' imagery just cracked me up.

I have something for you over here.

His Girl said...

*puts on wig & sunglasses* hahahahahaha!

Susie Q said...

You are too funny. I will now go fetch some paper towels so I can clean my monitor. Must remember NOT to drink Coke while reading your blog.

I think Crotch Queen was a song wasn't it? Abba right?

Love,
Sue

TroyBoy said...

Toy store stuff...it all seems so great until you actually buy it and bring it home....I am still chaffing from that metalic...never mind.

liv said...

girl. you do have balls. i don't have the stones to go in a place like that!