Monday, July 23, 2007

The Greatest Show On Earth


3 free tickets to the Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey Circus this past Saturday turned into $20 to park, $20 in gas and $24 for snow cones.

TWO snow cones.

As in $12 each.

Yes, it's true. Mama P fought the bling-bling of the greatest show on earth and she lost. I might as well have gone in the center ring, the animal tamer directing me with a baton: "You will leave your natural habitat of the thrift store jungle, roll on your back, and cough up cash. Your children, like the audience, will applaud you and love you!

For exactly one minute.

Then move the hell over, because it's time for the great 'Let's spill the snow cone ice act of 2007 and scream our way through the Vietnamese tumbling lotus dancers.' "

Rule #1 of Thrifting: Trust your instinct and don't buy when it doesn't feel right.

Rule #2: Leave before you lose complete control - as in the second half of an event. At least if you miss the "Elephants That Yodel and Fart in time to the Star Spangled Banner" you can exit the Staples Center in peace, despite children screaming that they wish you had bought them cotton candy instead.

Because $10 for sugar on a stick is so much cheaper.

Me: "You will eat what is left of your sugar laden ice rip-off and like it. You will not even brush your teeth. You will get cavities with holes the size of the OJ's excuses and rue the day you begged me for 24 bucks worth of animal abuse ice-cream."

What a circus.

14 comments:

Betty Jo said...

OMGosh! What a funny post. You are definitely a good writer. I love your perspective on life events and your ability to express it so well. RE your question about my photos. Yes, I take all my own photos, I'm a photography nut. I have a new telephoto arriving today so I've been up waiting since 4:45 AM. Too bad UPS doesn't deliver before dawn!! xoxo

Liza's Eyeview said...

well... this is one of the funniest post on earth :).

Tuck this is the "childhood memories file" - your kids will remember them when they are old :)

love your post as usual.

Dapoppins said...

Who knew spending so much money on kool-aid covered ice could be so funny? I hope you had a little bit of fun. (I remember going to the Circus with both my Grandmas when I was five or so, (we still have the program) I think I whined a bit while I was there, but it is still a positive memory for me.)


note to self: Pass on those free tickets.

Em said...

Damn, I love the elephants that yodel. How could I have missed those this year.

meno said...

Seriously? $12 for a sno-cone? That should be illegal.

As barnum once said, there's a sucker born every minute.

Princess in Galoshes said...

Heheh. *snort* animal abuse ice cream.

I must work that into my conversation at some point, today.

Great post! Sorry to hear about the overpriced sugar water.

hamiam said...

Woman - you have got to get a patent on some of your phrases, they had me doubled over - particularly the cavities bigger than OJ's excuses bit.

And on these events' concessions: I KNOW!!! We splurged on Monsters Inc. on Ice this spring and ogalolly! the concessions were surreal.

liv said...

Sounds like a blast. Now you know why I keep my kids inside and locked up, you know, when I'm not crazy enough to go ride Thomas the Tank Engine in 4 different states!!!

GreyMom said...

Hi there Mama P! My first time here and I love this post of yours! Made me laugh too!

onetallmomma said...

I just watched the In My Daughter's Eyes video with my second Daugther, Eleanor. I have tears running down my face. She is the child who is the least like me but from whom I have learned the most. Thank you.

And Happy Birthday, Pipsqueak!

Gretchen said...

Cue Streisand singing...Memories...

Go back to your thrift store now, Darlin'...It's okay. No nasty flashbacks, now. :)

James said...

Put it this way. At least you avoided the monster truck rally complete with BMX bikers doing jumps through flaming hoops and bikini-clad booth babes trying to give your 5 year old a cheesy sticker ONLY to have a melt down once the Cotton Candy was no longer available from the concession stand and the Monster Truck rides were $10 a person. Plus, it was raining. But, that's just this summer for ya.

Mama P said...

Betty Jo - Glad to have you join the Mama P Circus. I like your site also.

Liza - You are always too kind.

Dapoppins - Luckily Princess Grace is past the circus stage.

Em - Elephants that fart in tune are quite extraordinary.

Meno - A sucker? Who you calling a sucker? I resemble that remark!

Princess - Your posts are funny enough now. I can't wait until you have children.

Liv - Did you really go on Thomas the Tank in 4 different states? Post about that, please.

Greymom - Glad to have you!

OTM - I live to make people cry.

Gretchen - Of course you understand.

James - Your experience sounds equally as maddening. Perhaps we should let our children go to a Harry Potter light show together and then laugh when they want to charge 15.00 for Hermione chicken breasts. (Pun intended. Not a good pun, but intended.)

shauna said...

Just found your site through Liza's Eyeview. Love the circus post. The tickets are pricey too, if I remember right (it's been a few years since I went). Love the blog!