Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Unhappy Birth Day
I try not be a bitch.
I fancy myself a Christian.
I consider myself open minded.
That all said, here's my top thoughts about people who post water birth photos on the internet:
1. If you're going to have a baby in your living room, can you at least take out all the filing cabinets and fold the laundry?
2. If your husband MUST get in the tub with you, can he at wear something besides Dolphin shorts?
3. Is it me, or does this mother look no older than a fifth grader?
4. Speaking of, is that really a woman, or is it the understudy for Peter Pan?
5 Does anyone care that the drapes and the carpet don't match? When you add placenta, the shit is going to hit the fan.
6. Does the midwife have to look like the head teacher from Crochet 101?
7. If you're going broadcast your va-jay-jay to every freak on the planet (nudity photos spared) can you at least tidy up down south? Oh wait, Mom needs to prove to us that she is, indeed, at least 13.
I don't care what anyone says about Kaiser. It was clean, I had an epidural, I got to wear a clean gown, and Rex knew his place: at the side of the bed, ready to get a Diet Coke for me at a moment's notice.
Did anyone have a water birth at home? And if so, did you at least vacuum first? I'd like to know.