Saturday, May 26, 2007

Not Even the Remote-est Clue


My mother worries about the stories I tell to the kids. I call it creativity, she calls it a bit out there.

Take my "third eye" as a case in point. Ever since Stink really came into his rowdy namesake, I've kept him amazingly in line by telling him that I can see everything he does through my third eye.

This used to involve me looking into a rear view mirror and describing him throwing his goldfish crackers on the floor. As he got older and started getting wise to my tricks, I'd simply squint, or wear sunglasses, and remark on the apple juice he was dripping into the turtle tank. Now I rely mostly on sounds, occasional screams, and the ever ominous spells of silence.

While I drew the line at taking a rubber ball out of my back pony tail and giving it to him for his share day, I haven't been ready to confess the truth about my optical power. I'm thinking if Santa can fly and the Easter bunny can hop, why can't Mama P keep her kids safe with the power of mind control? It works for cults. And hypnotists. And John Edward.

Life was going along very smoothely with my baby blanket of lies, until today...

When we couldn't find the remote...

And the idea of facing a day without the nanny...er... television... was enough to induce hives. Or at least a good case of Diet Coke withdrawl shakes.

Since Stink was the last one in the tv room, I asked him where he thought it might be. His response? "I don't know, Mommy. Why don't you have your magic eye find it?"

With all due respect to my 76 year old mother, SHUT UP, MOM. Just SHUT. UP.

Lucky for me, I'm quick on my feet. I told him that his grandmother has a magic eye, too, and it flew in last night to surprise my magic eye with a trip to Disneyland. They only had two days to use the senior discount, so time was of essence. (I might not have seen Spiderman III yet, but I can still spin a pretty good web.)

10 comments:

meno said...

You are very creative, but i think you have limited time before he's on to you.

Em said...

Nice job of covering your butt there! LOL And I love the third eye lie....uh...charade.

liv said...

I agree with meno---your days with 3 eyes are numbered!

Liza's Eyeview said...

Did I just lost my comment again? I think I posted exactly the same time as liv. Anyway, I agree with meno and liv....

So..I can't wait to hear what the next "creation" will be :)

Pam said...

Oh yeah, they catch on fast, but hey, while it works, I say go for it.

I can't tell you how your humor lights up my day!

onetallmomma said...

You are so funny.

It is a drag living with teenagers that know all of of my tricks. The 5 year old is wise to me because the older ones clue her in....sigh.

Maggie said...

I had a similar thing going with my eldest - I suppose all of us moms do this. Its fun while it lasts. And the look in their eye when it works - so amazed. Heh. yep, enjoy it while it lasts, he's on to you.

Gretchen said...

I'll allow the teensy white lie about your third eye, if you don't out me for the eyes in the back of my head.

Necessity is the mother of invention. Mother sometimes needs us to be creative, no?

Mama P said...

Meno - Wise one, of course you are right. But I'm holding on for as long as I can.

Em - I really find your writing inspiring. I look forward to reading more.

Liv - Don't agree with Meno too soon! We have to stick together and keep the secrecy alive!

Liza - Your kids are beautiful. I've enjoyed the family shots you have posted. Husband is hubba hubba, too.

Pam - If I can lighten anyone's day with my incessant ramblings, then my job is done. And screw you know who! Oooooh, so mad still.

OTM - I can only imagaine that the fifth knows there is no Santa? Hey, can you post about that one day? I will need some advice in a few years.

Maggie - Can you still sucker the twins?

Gretchen - Yes, motherhood is all about creativity. Prayer and vodka help, too.

Maggie said...

Oh yeah - the twins believe in the magic of Mama. See I get to start the fun all over.