Monday, July 24, 2006

I Need Air Part II

My original post may or may not have been deleted, so forgive me if I'm repeating this to you again. If I am, just pretend I'm a toddler and be grateful it's only the second time you're hearing it and not the 25th auto-repeat of "Wonder Pets Wonder Pets We're on Our Way, To Help the Baby Cow and Save It From the Meat Grinder". That last part was my addition. Cranky at losing my first post. If a baby farm animal has to die on account of this crabbiness, so be it.

Photo above just one more example of how a busy mother thinks she's buying a magazine put out by the Oxygen network, where she has contacts from her tv writing days (yeah!) only to discover that the tan chick on the first advertisement is not an example of female inner strength but a mofo body builder named Vixen advertising some sort of pro-muscle body powder in a muscle rag called Oxygen. (boo!)

Such a mistake could explain why either A) I'm not yet writing professionally or B) Why the cashier didn't have an eyelash in her eye but was actually winking at me.

I am so ready to get something published that I actually considered pitching to this publication. My top five ideas?

1. How to Bench Press that Man into your Heart
2. I Saw Mommy Arm Wrestling Santa Clause
3. When the School Bully is Yo Mama
4. When Lap Dances Can Kill
5. Fake Tan, Fake Hair, Real Steroids

Lucky for their editor I had to turn on The Wonder Pets Save the Body Builder and by the time I got back to the computer I changed my mind.

On other notes, despite my brain having the odd ability to remember that Amber Frey got married last week and me having no idea what is happening in Israel at this moment, I appreciate the support of all you lovely readers who think I'm half way intelligent and encourage me to continue writing. I did, indeed, send out five queries today - my favorite being a pot luck piece to Rachael Ray's magazine. And while it just might take a little pot and a lot of luck to get through this painful submission process, I have faith that it will happen for me.

As will an Ebay biz of some sort. No more thrifting - as much as I love it. It's time set my sites higher and buy/flip a wholesale lot of some sort. If I fail after raising the bar, I can just hit a bar and start over.

At that point, I will consider delving into some new areas of life that have been put on the back burner: cooking, dancing, more regular church attendance.

As far as body building goes, though? Unless it's a three pound bag of Mother's Animal Cookies followed by a sixteen liter of Diet Coke, I'm gonna leave the hard bodied stuff to Vixen.

1 comment:

Teri M. said...

I will make it all better by revealing that Vixen is actually turning into a man, thanks to all the steriods that no one in the body building industry takes.

I'm just sayin'.