Sunday, March 19, 2006

Strolling Through Life


I don't know about you other mamas out there, but when I'm not with my offspring, it's a huge thrill to wear cute shoes (the more sparkles the better)and sport a fun clutch purse. I have one hanging on a vintage hook near my door that reminds me of my impending free time. There's a sadistic thrill knowing that even if I wanted to stick a diaper in there, I just couldn't.

However, just because you ditch the rug rats for a few hours there's no need to ditch the stroller. Ex: With Rex on kid patrol today, I belted in my lap top, threw in my bag, and was good to go for a leisurely stroll to Starbucks. Impending rain? No sweat... I nestled Nick's duck umbrella in the basket. Without children clinging to my knees (or running away from me - depends on the day) I managed to take a writing break and buy 8 packs of velvet tab curtains, three sets of curtain rods and a Diet Coke. I panicked for a moment when I realized I had no car to lug it home. Then I piped down, reorganized the stroller, and called it a day.

Here are the top 10 benefits of pushing the four wheeler around (mom or non-mom):

1. Saves you from using a dirty shopping cart
2. Gives you a resting place for a large beverage of choice (I recommend the Diet Coke from any Arco of your choice, but it's your call)
3. Allows you to haul groceries from your car to your home in one trip (suggestion: use a double stroller for post-Costco runs)
4. Works as a transporter of Ebay packages and gives you something to lean against in the post office. Sometimes, but not always, limits altercations with cranky seniors in government parking lots.
5. Gives you a first class ticket to having doors being open for you (living in a busy city, people don't bother to check out your infant, but they have the basic common courtesy to at least hold open large entrances for you when they see a baby cart)
6. Occasionally, like Moses, lines part for you (probably to stay away from the assumed cranky baby inside. Hey, it's possible Moses was pushing a Graco. There's no proof he wasn't.)
7. Interesting (albeit annoying) conversation starter: "Hey, forget the kid?" or my favorite of the day "Oh... what did you name the curtain panels?"
8. Takes the load of heavy appliances (such as laptops) off a mama's tired shoulders
9. Unlike most pedestrian cross walks in the Valley, people attempt not to run over you
10. You don't tend to get truckers or gardeners whistling at you as you stroll the side walk (which can also be a bad thing, depending on how desperate you are for some male attention)
#11 Bonus: If you're a male, you will get more looks of approval than the normal penis sporting human since you took time out of your busy day to walk... oh... a laptop. Well, still, you look sooooo cute pushing it! Hooray for you for doing what most women are expected to do!

Side note: My husband is watching the 1986 block buster Short Circuit on his laptop while I type this. Who wants to wager that Ally Sheedy was on some serious doobage while shooting that movie? Not only does her acting suck, her eyes are glassier than the china department at Macy's. Or was that the robot? Hard to differentiate. All I know is that if someone can make a mint about a movie starring a robot named #5, I'm going to make some cash one day about my experiences dealing with #2. I also think that despite horrible special effects, if watched during my period, I'd shed a tear when the damn robot screams "#5 is alive!"

1 comment:

Teri M. said...

Damn, and I got rid of mine when my kid got too big for it! WTH was I thinking?
BTW, thanks for reminding us that the Getty is up there. I've got to go! I've been on their website for an hour dling pics for my screensaver. My husband and I went to Italy a couple of years ago, and as I stood before The Birth of Venus, surrounded by Japanese tourist, I actually started crying. Ya know, cuz I'm a HUGE geek. My husband looked at me like I had two heads. LOL At one point he told me,"If I see one more "Madonna and Child", I'm gonna puke." I know, you can't believe I married such a sensitive, artistic type. It amazes me daily. This modern day Renaissance man also coined the phrase "Basilica Butt" to describe the action of one's underthings creeping slowing up ones, um, well, becoming intimate with one's, um, you know... as a result of sitting on yet another set of marble steps.
Ok, hmmm... little chatty today. So, I'll end awkwardly by saying that I love your blog, grrrl.